Family can be both a blessing and a challenge. Some of us are born into loving homes, while others find ourselves in situations where those meant to love and protect us do the exact opposite. If you’re like me, you might have wrestled with questions about what it means to honour God when dealing with toxic family members. Let me share my story and how I’m trying to navigate this delicate terrain as a Christian.
Let’s start with two Bible verses that have been sitting heavily on my heart lately. The first is Proverbs 22:24-25:
“Don’t befriend angry people or associate with hot-tempered people, or you will learn to be like them and endanger your soul.”
And then there’s 1 Corinthians 5:9-10, which makes it clear we shouldn’t associate with people who deliberately sin and take pride in their wrongdoing.
These verses have guided me in understanding that, as believers, we’re called to set boundaries—even with those closest to us. But what happens when those people are family?
My Struggle With a Toxic Aunt
For years, I’ve dealt with the lies, gossip, and slander of a toxic family member—my aunt. Her actions have left deep emotional scars. She’s unrepentant, unapologetic, and has only gotten worse with time. She’s spread falsehoods, manipulated others, and created a climate of emotional trauma.
At first, I thought I had to “grin and bear it” because, well, she’s family. But as I’ve grown in my walk with Christ, I’ve realised that enabling toxic behaviour isn’t what God wants for us. Yes, the Bible calls us to forgive (Matthew 6:14-15), but forgiveness doesn’t mean tolerating abuse or pretending things are okay when they’re not.
Should I Cut Ties?
The big question I’ve wrestled with is this: would I be sinning if I disowned my aunt—and possibly the rest of my family—for the sake of my spiritual and emotional well-being?
Here’s where I landed:
- Boundaries Are Biblical
Jesus Himself set boundaries. He walked away from people who refused to repent and even rebuked those who were toxic (Matthew 23). We’re called to love, but love doesn’t mean putting ourselves in harm’s way. Proverbs 4:23 reminds us to guard our hearts because everything we do flows from it. - Reconciliation Requires Repentance
Reconciliation is a beautiful thing, but it’s not always possible. From my understanding of Scripture, true reconciliation requires repentance. If someone isn’t remorseful or willing to change, it’s okay to keep your distance while still praying for their transformation. - Walking in Forgiveness
Forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending the hurt didn’t happen. It means releasing the person to God and refusing to let bitterness take root in your heart. I’ve chosen to forgive my aunt, but I’ve also chosen to set firm boundaries.
What About Marriage?
One of my biggest concerns is how my toxic family could impact my future marriage. Would they try to bad-mouth me to my partner or his family? Probably. That’s why I’ve decided to keep certain aspects of my life private. If I do get married, I’ll need to pray and seek God’s wisdom about how much (if anything) to share with them.
Moving Forward
If you’re in a similar situation, here’s my advice:
- Pray for Wisdom: Ask God to guide you in handling the situation. His wisdom is unmatched, and He knows what’s best for you.
- Set Boundaries: You can love people from a distance. Protect your peace and mental health.
- Forgive, but Don’t Enable: Forgiveness is for you—it frees you from bitterness. But it doesn’t mean letting people walk all over you.
- Surround Yourself With Godly Support: Find a community of believers who can pray with you, counsel you, and stand with you in faith.
At the end of the day, my goal is to honour God in everything I do. That includes how I handle toxic family relationships. It’s not easy, but I trust that God sees my heart and will guide me every step of the way.
If you’re struggling with similar issues, know that you’re not alone. God sees your pain, and He’s working all things together for your good (Romans 8:28). Stay strong, stay prayerful, and keep seeking Him.
Let’s navigate this journey together. Share your thoughts or experiences in the comments—I’d love to hear from you!